My journey to saying 'yes' to Finca del Niño
Hello friends and family! Welcome to my very first blog post! I'll warn you now, I've never written a blog before, and this first one is a bit long, so buckle in. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers; please know I'm praying for you as well!
Rewind to a year ago: I’m 21, about to start my senior year of college. I’ve just moved into a house with four of my best friends after completing a year as a live-in peer minister at
St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church and Student Center (STA). I’m excited for the year ahead, and I’m certain I know what’s going to happen after graduation. I’m sure I’ll start a Master of Teaching (MAT) program at ISU and then go on to work as a high school science teacher. I’ve planned on doing this program since I was a senior in high school; it’s one of the reasons I decided to go to Iowa State. I’m not super excited about this plan, but I am just happy to have one.
Reflecting on it a year later, I can’t remember exactly when or why I decided not to go into teaching; I simply knew it was not the right next move for me. Around that time, I was becoming more interested in science communication. As the first semester went on, and eventually into winter break, I began looking and applying for jobs at science centers and museums.
A couple of other things were happening at this time as well. First, I signed up for a spring break trip to Dulce Nombre, Honduras. A small cohort of students from STA was going to visit our sister parish there—Dulce Nombre de Maria—as well as a co-op of coffee farmers in a nearby village that our parish had a relationship with via the non-profit organization Café El Zapote. I had always been interested in visiting the farmers and Honduras!
Additionally, I was praying often about the Lord’s plan for my life. Around the time of winter break, I felt very lost regarding my future. I was very set in my desire to get a 9-to-5 job and start a comfortable life outside of being a student. As I continued to ask the Lord for His desires, I found myself being called to live differently, to live uncomfortably. I was not super pumped about this call, but I prayed for openness.
Then, on February 8, 2024 (I didn’t remember that date—I had to look it up), the email blast that changed my life arrived in my inbox. This email came in the form of the weekly Thursday Night News from the STA Campus Ministry team. In a small blurb about halfway through the email, there was a message about Farm of the Child, a non-profit Catholic international organization that had “summer, winter, and post-graduate opportunities for meaningful service.” Curious, I glanced at the information about the organization and, during one of my morning classes, started filling out the application for the 10-week summer program without thinking too much about it. Only the Lord knew the momentum that small choice would have.
The Start of Something New
A little less than a month later, I interviewed with the Finca for the 10-week volunteer opportunity. This was less than a week before the spring break trip to Honduras, which I felt was great timing to help me discern! During the interview, Sara—the administrative coordinator for Finca del Niño—asked about my post-graduation plans. When I replied that I was applying for jobs but currently didn’t have one lined up, she asked why I didn’t apply for the two-year missionary program at the Finca. I don’t remember exactly what I responded, but I do remember what I was thinking to myself: “Because it’s super scary to change my life and move to Honduras for two years!”
Immediately after the interview, I went to my church, STA, to pray about it. I felt a pull to be closer to the Lord and to follow His will. At the same time, moving to someplace so very different from my home made me almost paralyzed with fear.
Dulce Nombre
With this all on my heart and mind, I packed my bags and headed to Dulce Nombre with
the STA cohort. I planned to use this time to discern the Finca and to let them know
whether I wanted to apply for two whole years. Leading this cohort was the president of
Café El Zapote, Tim Mooney (everyone calls him Mooney). Mooney was energetic and disorganized and encouraged our group to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. He was also excited to hear I was discerning the missionary program at the Finca, especially because he spent three years as a missionary in Uganda after graduating college himself. During the trip, I was able to ask Mooney questions about life abroad as a missionary—the fears and challenges he had, as well as the joys and successes.
It’s bizarre to look back on this time in my journey to the Finca and to know how stressed I was about even deciding to apply. I would lie awake in my bed while in Honduras, asking myself if I could ever see myself living in this country long-term. I would analyze each part of our day to determine if I felt any peace or joy—any signs from God that this is where He wanted me.
Mooney with the hat of one of the coffee farmers
I was feeling a lot of joy while there—sitting with the farmers and community members, communicating with them in broken Spanish, seeing the beautiful landscape and natural environment, living without my creature comforts—I was filled with contentment and peace.
So, partway through the trip, during one of the few times I was connected to Wi-Fi, I said “yes.” Yes to applying, yes to having an open heart.
A beautiful painting of Mary by an artist in Dulce Nombre
Discernment
Once I returned home to Iowa, I had an additional interview for the missionary program. After this interview, I anxiously waited to hear whether or not I’d been accepted. A part of me was secretly hoping I wouldn’t be accepted so I wouldn’t have to make the decision. So, when I did get the call inviting me to the program, I felt a bizarre mix of affirmation, anxiety, excitement, disappointment, and an overwhelming amount of fear.
I was invited to the missionary program on March 28th of this year but didn’t accept the position until May 14th. To go over all of my prayers, thought processes, and conversations that happened in the month and a half it took me to make a decision could probably fill a whole book. But there definitely were some pivotal moments and realizations that led me to ultimately join Finca!
One of these first moments came from the pastor of STA, Fr. Kyle. He gave me several pieces of wisdom I continued to come back to during my discernment. He told me that there isn’t a wrong way to discern, but there are wrong reasons to choose something. To choose out of fear, convenience, or comfort would be a mistake. Fr. Kyle told me, “So long as we make a decision desiring to fully give our hearts to whatever we are doing, then YOU CANNOT MAKE A WRONG CHOICE.” He also gave me a couple of scenarios to think through and pray with:
Think about the situation as if you were totally free (free from what others think, financial stuff, or timelines). What decision do you think you would make if you were totally free from any external things?
Think about yourself being on your deathbed 70 years from now. From that perspective, looking back at this decision, what decision do you think you would have wanted to make?
Immediately after reading the first scenario, I knew I would go to the Finca if there were no obstacles. Much of the remaining fear I had related to the obstacles I perceived stood between myself and two years at the Finca. While I still had about a month of stress and discernment ahead of me, this advice gave me a lot of peace and clarity.
Tumultuous Prayer
Like I said earlier, it’s so strange to look back at this time when I simply couldn’t make a decision. I know now I was in a time of paralyzing fear—not wanting to say yes for fear of disappointing my family, fear of making no money, fear of wasting the degree I’d just spent four years earning. And also, not wanting to say no for fear of turning down a life-changing opportunity, for fear of having my life dictated by fear itself.
When I went to prayer with these fears, I was met with peace and assurance from God. The Lord assured me that I, on my own, was not capable of doing this mission. But with Him, if I relied on Him all the way, all of it would be possible. There wasn’t exactly the clarity that going to Honduras is what God wanted for me. Instead, I knew that no matter what I chose, He would be with me. He would not be disappointed with me—I could not change His love for me, no matter what I chose.
Jesus in Conversations
In addition to prayer, I felt the Lord speaking to me often through conversations with other people. One of my roommates, Elysse, with whom I often shared many of my fears, often affirmed me in my capabilities to be a missionary. She also always shared how much she loved me no matter. Jesus was so present to me in Elysse’s listening ear and loving words.
I also shared my discernment with my friend Liam, who was (and still is) serving as a missionary at the local Catholic Worker House. I told him about my fears of not being able to financially afford serving as a missionary for two years, as well as my fears of a big life change. He wisely (and very bluntly) told me, “Paying off your student loans isn’t going to make you a saint, Theresa. Do what’s going to make you a saint.” Hearing this piece of advice excited me about entering into the uncertainty and joy of the Lord’s plan. (Consequently, I’ll be missing Liam’s and his fiancée’s—Emma—wedding because I’ll be at the Finca.)
The final conversation that stood out to me was at the end of the school year. I was sharing post-grad plans with my friend Ben. As I told him about serving at the Finca, I felt a new level of excitement and motivation about the mission itself and the idea of living at the Finca. Later, when I told Fr. Kyle about this excitement, he told me that this was a sign from God, an indicator that I was going where I was called.
I had finally decided to serve as a missionary with Finca del Niño. I was still a little nervous about this decision, so it would be a couple of weeks before I officially said “yes,” and then a summer full of nerves and second-guessing would follow. But now, sitting in Antigua, feeling so at peace and excited about the choice the Lord led me to, it seems almost comical how anxious I was about the whole thing. The Lord did not start preparing me for this mission in February when I first heard of Finca del Niño. He’s been preparing me my whole life. Each person who has shown me love and cared for me has formed me for this mission. I am a culmination of the love given to me by those in my life, and the Lord has used that love to form me—and continues to form me—to love and serve others at the Finca.
Honduras, outside of Dulce Nombre
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